Fun Things

I spend a lot of my spare time just cruising around the Internet, trying to find funny videos or things that interest me. As a huge fan of the talkies, films, movies, if you will, I've found that I'm also a big fan of trailer recuts. Here are some of my favs I've found on YouTube...

Huh?

I went out for a little bit on Friday night. I decided to go home early, though. It was a pretty long day, so don't make fun of me for being a wuss.

However, my sister, Annie:

Decided to stay out. She's the funner one out of the two of us.

When I awoke on Sunday morning, I had a text message from her; however, I don't know if I can actually call it a message since it has absolutely no meaning. Try to figure this one out:

"R wuzaningizgere?"

CD

My sister asked me to make a CD of instrumental/classical music so she could listen to it at work. I know what you're thinking, "Wow...she's neat..."

Well, I'm neater, and let me tell you why.

I actually got excited when she asked me. I have a CD in my car titled, "Instrumental." And once in a while you can catch me in my car attempting to conduct music...

I actually seek out instrumental music I've heard in movies, so when my sister asked me if I could put the CD together, it was no problem since I already knew most of the songs I'd put on it.

Just to give you an idea (because I'm sure you care), here are some of the songs I put on the CD.

Oatmeal

I have been eating the same oatmeal everyday for over a week and it took me this long to realize how awesome it really is.


Of course, oatmeal is nutritious and does amazing things for the human body (don't ask me, I haven't a clue why oatmeal is so amazing), but what makes my oatmeal so magical is the packaging.

The packaging of my Roundy's oatmeal is above the rest because of the trivia question upon it! Today is the first day I noticed it, and I'm glad I did, because it was straight up awesome...



YESSSSSS! Do you see that?! The question is: "On Full House what was D.J.'s full name?"

No wonder people love oatmeal! It's not because it tastes good (God knows it tastes like rim job), it's not because it's good for you, it's because it's so much fun to eat! Definitely a great start to a day!

If you need the answer (and the microwave directions):

And just because I'm feeling nostalgic...

I'm Tiger Woods and I $%^& Bitches...

I just saw this and had to post it. Don't watch it at work...it's very inappropriate.

I am Tiger Woods from TWoods

My apologies

Sorry to all of my 4 blog readers, it's been a week since I last posted.

I feel like I'm at confession, "Forgive me readers for I have sinned, it's been 8 days since my last blog post..."

Anyway, the truth is, not much has really been going on. I've been busy with work and getting ready for the holidays. I didn't really want to post something that I didn't care about, so I chose not to post at all. However, I felt it was my duty to at least check in.

And to hold you over until my next post (because I'm sure you're just dying to read what I write next time) I'm posting a video, that's racy I might add, because I'm in love with the song.

Yes, it's Leighton Meester, and yes, the song is awesome...so sex!

MadCity Cocktails

I just got this the other day and I can't wait to use it next time I go out.

It's kind of like a Bucky Book for Madison Area bars. Unfortunately there aren't any deals for The Fox, but I have a feeling as the years go on, they'll get more bars to sign on. I can't believe nobody has thought of this before! More importantly, I can't believe I or one of my alcoholic friends haven't thought of it before!

All of the deals in the book are 2 for1 drinks which I'd say is a pretty good deal for this economy.

-Your deal-finding specialist, Crabby Abby.

Boobies

I would like to know who the hell paid for this study? It's totally WTF?

So apparently it is super healthy for men to stare at women's breasts and they live longer as a result.

(Yes, I will proudly admit these are my glorious boobies)

According to Dr. Karen Weatherby, the author of the study, "Just 10 minutes of staring at the charms of a well-endowed female, is roughly equivalent to a 30-minute aerobics work-out."

Yes…that’s totally the same??? WTF?

Read the story here

My Best Friend Katie

It's always a treat to get a voicemail from someone. It means that someone likes you enough to not only call you, but leave a message for you to call them back. Voicemails make me feel important and loved.

(However, this excludes voicemails that have anything to do with bills or the IRS...not that the IRS has ever called me)

As much as I love the average voice-mail, it's just that - average.

Example:

"Hey, this is 'Jane Doe.' call me back when you get a chance."

BORING!!!!

This is where my good friend Katie comes in: (Tip: right click and "open in new window". That way you won't close this window)

Click Here

In case you can't understand her mumbling...

"Doot, Doot, bum, do you really want to hurt me?

Do you really want to make me cry?

Nana, da, da, doot, ehhhh, blehhhh.

Make me cry?????

Doo, doo, doo, doo.

Doot, doo, doo, doo.

Ooops, that's not part of the song.
I'm going to zumba, heyyyy. Ok, bye."

While I'm not a big fan of Boy George or the Culture club (and now I've found out I don't especially like their music on my voice-mails) I appreciate the effort Katie put in on this one.

Definitely an A+ on the voice-mail grading scale.

For making my voice-mails special, I love my best friend Katie.

Booty Call

Early this morning, one of my many gentleman callers texted me around 1AM. It simply read, "Come over"

I'm no dummy, I know what this meant.

Guys, let me tell you something. I'm not interested!

If you want to ask me on a date, fine. But if you're looking for one night of passion, I ain't your girl...I will provide you with many nights of passion, though, if you're willing to put in the effort.

-Crabby Abby

Invitation

Every year a guy friend of mine has a big party the night before Thanksgiving and this year was no different; however, I did not get invited. And, yes, I was offended.

Don't feel too bad for me, though. Because of my outrageous popularity, I was able to find something to do. A couple friends and I hit up the Marshall hotspot - The Fox. Then, we made our way over to Waterloo, for a few drinks at MSP.

While at MSP, I ran into this "friend" that didn't invite me to his party. When he saw me walk past, he yelled out, "What's up?" I was cordial and I gave him a hug. Then he said, "Why didn't you come to my party?"

I simply told him I never got the invite.

Then he realized he's an ass, and started to back peddle. He said that I should know I'm always invited, there wasn't a formal invitation to the party, and he had told one of my other friends (who ended up not going out that night) about the party and expected her to tell me.

Let me explain a few things to everyone out there:

I won't show up a party if I'm not invited.

You can't expect me to show up to a party that I didn't know about if I wasn't invited. While I knew about this specific party, this may not be the case every time.

You can't rely on another friend to tell people about your party.

And don't lie and say that there was no formal invitation sent out when I saw the Facebook invite on another friends page. Yes, I consider Facebook invites formal. When/if I ever get married, you can expect your invitation via Facebook...it's just cheaper.

Later that night, the "friend" that had the party informed me that Drake used to be on Degrassi: The Next Generation. You can see why I'd want to hang out with him, he's capable of stimulating conversation that include tid bits of information like that!

-Crabby Abby

Daddy

Have you ever accidentally called someone by the wrong name? Sure, it's easy enough. I'm so bad with names I do it just about everyday...today was a little different.

My boss was nice enough to take me out to lunch today. After we finished he put the money with the bill on the table and we simply waited for waitress to take it, then bring back the change.

My boss must have been antsy because he started saying things like "C'mon!", "Where the hell is she?", and "I'm antsy!"

This is when I blurted out, "Dad, calm down!"

Whoops!

After some awkward silence, he asked, "Did you just call me dad?"

I put my head down and mumbled, "Yea..."

And the awkward moment of the day was brought to you by Crabby Abby.

Oh What a Night!

On Saturday night, I did my good deed for the year and was the dd for a bunch of drunk ladies opening weekend of deer hunting...I thought I wouldn't have any fun.

As soon as we found out there were going to be male strippers at a certain bar, we chose that as our first destination.

Walking into the bar, we noticed it was mostly men, which confused us, but we soon learned that the stripper was downstairs...yes, one stripper. We didn't let that bring us down. One great male stripper can be better than 10 mediocre ones.

You're going to think I'm quite the prude, but I actually don't like strippers, porn, even sex shops...just not my style, so I chose to stay upstairs. And my sister was kind enough to keep me company. Thank God! If heard that 65 year old woman belt out Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" while jammin' on her keyboard by myself, you would have found me hanging from the rafters.

Yes there was a live band there which consisted of two AARP members...we believe they were man and wife...seems like everyone finds there soul mate.

Soon after, our friend Amber came back upstairs and informed us she was "kicked out". What??? She said the stripper kicked her out!

Apparently, this particular stripper was very touchy feely. He was up in everyone's space, dancing, rubbing, grinding on them. When he approached amber, she put her hand out and let him know she didn't want to dance. She just wanted to watch. He then sternly pointed his finger at her and said, "You go upstairs."

Apparently, you HAD to participate...who knew? So Amber chose to take her dollar upstairs and put it toward another beer. She didn't seem too upset. However, I do have to say that's just bad business on the stripper's part. In this economy, every dollar counts!

Later, another friend informed us that the stripper was dancing in the storage area of the bar, meaning all of the extra liquor, some extra game machines, and an old pool table were shoved in that room with him. In fact, he was dancing on the pool table and his music was played off of a Fischer Price CD player. This could have accounted for his bad mood. I guess I can't blame the guy for being a little snippy.

-Crabby Abby

Val Kilmer's Best Work

I used to watch this movie all the time when I was little and I just caught it on HBO this morning.

Nerds

Last night my mother came over to work on a project with me. You'll see the final result shortly, I just need to edit a few things together...

Anyway, my mother and I are very similar. We both have the same sense of humor, share a love of dogs, and enjoy going to the movies. If you know me at all, by this description, you'd think we're the same people.

One place we do differ; however, is her love of sweets.

I'm not a big candy girl. I got a bag of candy on my door from my apartment management and I never touched it, but when my mom saw it, she decided she needed some...it's like crack to her.

So last night when she came over, we were laying in my bed watching TV and she "NEEDED" (her words) some candy. So I got her a small box of Nerds that was sitting on my counter.

I learned my lesson. That's the last time I give her candy...this morning I found half of the nerds spread out in my bed.

At least I had a nice snack before breakfast.

-Crabby Abby

Melrose

I'm probably one of the 5 people that watched the new Melrose Place on the CW. I'm well aware that it's not a popular show, but bear with me here.

There is an actor on the show that reminds me of someone...

He plays David on the show, the son of Dr. Mancini from the original Melrose.

For the longest time, I haven't been able to put my finger on it...who is it that this kid reminds me of, and it hit me. His mouth totally makes him look like a young Brad Pitt.

Okay...maybe not.

But he does remind me more of this version of Brad Pitt.

Even his acting reminds me of Brad Pitt. If you don't beleive me, watch the show.

I know what you're saying, "Abby, the rating suck! Obviously it's a shitty show; why would I start watching it?"

To that I say, "I have the first season of the original Melrose and that show is terrible. I'm suprised it lasted more than a few episodes!"

As the show went on; however, it became a staple in "adult soap operas" if you will.

Plus, if you're looking for a guy like Brad Pitt without the whole Angelina dramz, this is the place to find him.

So next Tuesday, I'll see you at Melrose Place, that's where I'll be!

-Crabby Abby

Facebook Fiasco

This morning I was making the rounds on Facebook as I normally do around 8:30am...I'm sorry, am I supposed to be working at this time?

Anyway, Facebook chat opened up and I was surprised to see the person reaching out to me: Mrs. R.



Yes, Mrs. Robinson, my high school art teacher. I have not seen her since probably my junior year of high school. Although my semester in Independent Ceramics was extremely memorable, we just never kept in touch.

You wouldn't believe how our conversation went, so I will tell you and since I'm trustworthy, you'll believe me:

MRS. R: hello

ME: hello

MRS. R: how are you

ME: Good. Are you still teaching?

MRS. R: yes

(seems pretty normal so far...)

ME: good! I like that...I miss independent ceramics

MRS. R: lol

(okay...never would've thought Mrs. R would use "lol", but whatev...she's a pretty hip lady)

ME: My mom still has all of my crappy pots on a shelf in our downstairs basement

MRS. R: great. i need your help. i'm in a pretty bad situation right now

ME: What's your situation? And what can I do to help?

MRS. R: stuck in london

ME: what??? okay

MRS. R: was mugged at gunpoint

(okay...she has to me messing with me)

ME: Shut up!

MRS. R: all cash and cell was stolen off me. i'm dead serious

ME: okay...what do you need? what can I do? is there someone I can call? who's computer are you on?

(Seriously, who's computer are you on?)

MRS. R: can you loan me few buck to complete my ticket fee until i get back. will def refund

(Okay, this is totally not Mrs. R. She wouldn't say "def", but let's play along anyway and see where it goes. It's a Tuesday and I'd rather investigate this Facebook hijacking than work anyway)

ME: How much and how do I get it to you?

MRS. R: $900 do you know any western union outlet around you. glad i still have my passport

(Yes, that's odd that EVERYTHING would get stolen yet you have your passport. What's odder is that you think I'd know where the F*CK a Western Union is. Does anyone use those???)

ME: I'm sorry, I don't have that kinda money at all

MRS. R: ok ok how much can you afford

ME: not much...I literally have about 20 bucks. Is there anyway you can prove this is you. Sorry, I just have to ask.

MRS R: it ok. if i wasn't the one would i ask you to wire money on my name? we both know i can't get money without a valid IDENTIFICATION. don't worry about the refun. will make it up to you

ME: I honestly don't have the money...I'm dead broke. Is there anyone else you could ask or I could ask for you?

MRS. R: don't bother

(oops, I think I pissed off fake Mrs. R!)

I know what you're thinking, "Abby how did you know this wasn't the real Mrs. R? What if she really needed money?"

Let me explain...

First of all, the real Mrs. R. would probably have never used "lol" or "def". I know I haven't talked to her for a while, but I just can't imagine and woman over the age of say...40 using those terms. My friend Katie just told me she has texted "lol" to her mother for the past month or so and her mom never knew what she meant.

Second of all, the real Mrs. R. wouldn't type so terribly. Either the real Mrs. R. has gone tardy on me since I last remember her, or this is just not her at all!

Third of all, the real Mrs. R. would have never asked me for money! Hello! Don't you think she has some closer fam and friends that probably would have helped her out a lot better than I could?

Although common sense was on my side, I chose to investigate a bit deeper to make sure the real Mrs. R. was not held at gunpoint and stuck in London.

I called someone who knows someone who knows someone who is friends with Mrs. R. You'll be glad to know that Mrs. R. was safe and sound in the greater Madison area getting her nails done with her daughter.

Case closed, bitches!

- Private Investigator Crabby Abby