Facebook Fiasco

This morning I was making the rounds on Facebook as I normally do around 8:30am...I'm sorry, am I supposed to be working at this time?

Anyway, Facebook chat opened up and I was surprised to see the person reaching out to me: Mrs. R.



Yes, Mrs. Robinson, my high school art teacher. I have not seen her since probably my junior year of high school. Although my semester in Independent Ceramics was extremely memorable, we just never kept in touch.

You wouldn't believe how our conversation went, so I will tell you and since I'm trustworthy, you'll believe me:

MRS. R: hello

ME: hello

MRS. R: how are you

ME: Good. Are you still teaching?

MRS. R: yes

(seems pretty normal so far...)

ME: good! I like that...I miss independent ceramics

MRS. R: lol

(okay...never would've thought Mrs. R would use "lol", but whatev...she's a pretty hip lady)

ME: My mom still has all of my crappy pots on a shelf in our downstairs basement

MRS. R: great. i need your help. i'm in a pretty bad situation right now

ME: What's your situation? And what can I do to help?

MRS. R: stuck in london

ME: what??? okay

MRS. R: was mugged at gunpoint

(okay...she has to me messing with me)

ME: Shut up!

MRS. R: all cash and cell was stolen off me. i'm dead serious

ME: okay...what do you need? what can I do? is there someone I can call? who's computer are you on?

(Seriously, who's computer are you on?)

MRS. R: can you loan me few buck to complete my ticket fee until i get back. will def refund

(Okay, this is totally not Mrs. R. She wouldn't say "def", but let's play along anyway and see where it goes. It's a Tuesday and I'd rather investigate this Facebook hijacking than work anyway)

ME: How much and how do I get it to you?

MRS. R: $900 do you know any western union outlet around you. glad i still have my passport

(Yes, that's odd that EVERYTHING would get stolen yet you have your passport. What's odder is that you think I'd know where the F*CK a Western Union is. Does anyone use those???)

ME: I'm sorry, I don't have that kinda money at all

MRS. R: ok ok how much can you afford

ME: not much...I literally have about 20 bucks. Is there anyway you can prove this is you. Sorry, I just have to ask.

MRS R: it ok. if i wasn't the one would i ask you to wire money on my name? we both know i can't get money without a valid IDENTIFICATION. don't worry about the refun. will make it up to you

ME: I honestly don't have the money...I'm dead broke. Is there anyone else you could ask or I could ask for you?

MRS. R: don't bother

(oops, I think I pissed off fake Mrs. R!)

I know what you're thinking, "Abby how did you know this wasn't the real Mrs. R? What if she really needed money?"

Let me explain...

First of all, the real Mrs. R. would probably have never used "lol" or "def". I know I haven't talked to her for a while, but I just can't imagine and woman over the age of say...40 using those terms. My friend Katie just told me she has texted "lol" to her mother for the past month or so and her mom never knew what she meant.

Second of all, the real Mrs. R. wouldn't type so terribly. Either the real Mrs. R. has gone tardy on me since I last remember her, or this is just not her at all!

Third of all, the real Mrs. R. would have never asked me for money! Hello! Don't you think she has some closer fam and friends that probably would have helped her out a lot better than I could?

Although common sense was on my side, I chose to investigate a bit deeper to make sure the real Mrs. R. was not held at gunpoint and stuck in London.

I called someone who knows someone who knows someone who is friends with Mrs. R. You'll be glad to know that Mrs. R. was safe and sound in the greater Madison area getting her nails done with her daughter.

Case closed, bitches!

- Private Investigator Crabby Abby